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Monday, July 10, 2006

X-Men 3: Wolverine's Long Closeup

We went to see X-Men 3 this weekend. If I may don my comic geek hat for a moment, allow me to disclose why it sucks. This will be terribly, horribly spoilerific. By the end of this post, I'll have divulged all the big surprises in the movie. I do this knowingly and willing with the hope that if so spoiled, you won't go see it.

You mean that much to me.

X3, as I'll lazily refer to the movie from here, drags up some of the worst aspects of the X-Men mythos. It's not that some of it doesn't have reference in the canon - it's just that it's really bad, bad, bad parts of the series. Here are some points.

Wolverine's not a real good leader. He's a lone wolf. He's not really a team player. Not to mention the fact that .... he's an ass. Sure, he seems to be every Marvel fan's favorite anti-hero, but that doesn't mean he should be taking charge. He might do something like, oh I dunno, line up everyone in the face of a powerful army and almost get them killed. See?

Wolverine's not invulnerable. Yeah, I know ... the comics more or less make this case at some point. That doesn't mean it makes any sense, unfortunately. The first movie disavowed the bright costumes for a touch of realism. The latest one openly embraces one of the silliest aspects in the comic's history. You have one person capable of atomizing anything with the power of her mind. Another heals real fast. Somehow, from this, the writers think they have a "irresistible force meets unmovable object" type conflict ... when any rational person knows you have an atomized Wolverine.

If Hollywood wants to make a Wolverine movie ... by god just make one. There is plenty in his long history for a solo appearance. Turning the final movie into little more than a 90 minute Wolverine fest with the occasional cameo from others just isn't worth the price of admission. I was really hoping for a treatment on the Phoenix Saga and instead got reminded of some of the very reasons I stopped reading X-Men in the first place.

Now for your spoilers. Last warning. Avert your eyes. .... ok .... Professor X dies, Rogue voluntarily loses her powers, Magneto involuntarily loses his powers and the Juggernaught is the British football goon from EuroTrip.

Now save your money and spend some time with loved ones.

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