Steam on OS X: Nice But Certainly No Nirvana

Last Wednesday, Valve officially released Steam for OS X. Along with the release was the promise of the release of essentially the entire Source library for Mac eventually.

To date, only one Source game is available - Portal, but it has been offered free for a limited time. Portal is a pretty great game, so Steam + Free Portal is pretty decent gift to the Mac community. And honestly, I'm still optimistic - but having played around with it for nearly a week now, most of my original feelings about Steam haven't changed.

For one thing, Steam is buggy. I can't speak to the PC version anymore - but I never knew it to be terribly stable. The OS X version likes to do things like block you from closing Steam because a game is running - even though a game is not in fact running. The browser Steam uses shows an almost interesting lack of performance considering how basic most of the pages are constructed. It will lock up. It will zombie.

Also, Steam is just poorly designed. Essentially one large custom browser with a lot of access rights, Valve didn't bother to actually coordinate your Steam account with your community account, forum account or support account in 2008 - and they apparently haven't bothered to add such things by 2010. The end result is a decent browsing experience, a relatively robust checkout experience and a a lackluster everything else (at best).

Partially because of that - Steam is quite possibly the most user unfriendly gaming product in the history of gaming. It's not just that their support section feels like a bad PHP script bolted onto the side of an online store, but rather that is the support for a product which can at any time update code on your hard drive without any control on your part, completely trash your game, and then simply walk away.

And remember people, Steam does not offer refunds (unless you feel like reporting them to the BBB it seems). So if Valve forced an update on you and it broke your favorite game - well, tough. And I've had Torchlight less than a week and guess what? That very thing has already happened. I don't think there is a Mac user on the planet right now who can play the game.

And has Valve responded to any of the many forum posts about it? No. Have they sent out any tweets from the Steam twitter account? No. Have they bothered to respond to any of "Ask A Question" support tickets (I could go on for some time about how annoying that they frame support issues as me asking questions. I shouldn't have to ask Valve why their QA sucks)? Not that I've read and certainly not mine.

So yeah - Portal for free running natively on the Mac? That's a nice thing. And if down the road I can play Team Fortress 2 and Left 4 Dead off the MBP as well, then that will be a win. But Steam is still Steam - it's a buggy mess and does nothing to empower users when things go wrong. So remember Mac users - Steam is buyer beware for the digital age.

Steam Offers GTA IV Refunds

Faithful readers know my opinion of Steam, so naturally I was bit surprised to hear that they're offering refunds (on a case by case basis, apparently) of Grand Theft Auto IV because the darn thing is just too buggy.

Considering Valve fought me tooth and nail to refund a product that would do nothing but display a black screen and crash, that has to be some pretty serious quality concerns. I pondered at one time if Rockstar would even bother with a PC version of GTA, considering the franchise has done so well in recent versions on the console. Did they just go the ultra cheap route to try and maximize their profit and get burned?

Probably.

Steam's "No Refund" Policy Oddly Well-Equipped

For a framework which likes to pretend that it doesn't need nor support the concept of refunds, despite being a framework which takes your money with essentially no promise of return for goods or services ... Steam seems well equipped for dealing with that alternative as I signed on for a bit of Team Fortress and got a notice telling me that The Club should be due for a refund.

Remember, peeps, when you buy from Steam (Valve) ... you get charged the moment you send your credit info ... regardless of what Steam decides to actually send you ... so if you spent $50 on an error message or completely non-functional PITA ... Valve's policy would still be to go sod off ... as they already have your money.

Steam Resolution

So first there was this and then there was that.

Now Valve has issued (or at least told the Better Business Bureau they have, honestly I haven't checked yet) a refund. Course, I had to go to the BBB just to get Valve to respond after they directed me to their terms and agreements. Which is fairly ridiculous. I've worked for various consumer-orientated businesses over the years, from a fairly seedy little viatical sales shop (google it, not my proudest hours) to a major retailer. The amount that the "customer is always right" is actually pretty amazing.

For instance, at my last job we got a call from the "special support line" that the customer support staff gives to the truly obstinate. With enough momentum this can actually get to the President's Office - and they wouldn't even have returned my phone calls as an employee. This person was very upset that we hadn't somehow coded in special logic to understand the fact that his PO Box had special dispensation to allow deliveries.

Completely irrational? Totally. Pointless? Yes, at this point the shopper had already been delivered his goods courtesy of the nice customer support rep. Annoying? Certainly.

The guy still got a personal call from a project manager. Why? Because business works best at the speed of good opinions. An good referral can make you more money than a refund in the long run. Look at Valve - because of their handling of this I'm more likely than not going to just erase Steam off the hard drive and never buy another Valve product again ... at least certainly not for the PC (remember, if you buy the disc you still have to go through Steam). How many me's does it take to offset the cost of a $50 purchase ... even if Valve themselves didn't get the money back from Sega?

Valve wants to be a software reseller. They should look into the retail business and realize what that actually means. The "screw the customer" approach might be funny on Clerks or Wonder Falls but in reality it is pretty bad for business.

Oh yeah ... and when I called Sears to cancel the dispute over the charge, they tried to keep me on the line to sell me extra features. WTF? I'm trying to do the responsible thing here and then get back to work and this guy wants to sell me rust-proofing? Why is being a consumer such a pain in the ass these days?

Update: This was the "customer support" response from Steam:

As requested, we have processed a refund to your account.

This is a one time gesture, and won't be repeated.

We are working with Sega to resolve the issues you experienced.

Your confirmation number is: 126204578075991621

Your bank or credit card issuer will return the funds to your account - please allow 3-5 business days for the funds to be posted.

Please note in the future that Steam purchases, per the Steam Subscriber Agreement, are not refundable - this refund was issued as a one-time customer service gesture.

Darn right it won't be repeated. I don't believe I'll be allowing myself to stumble into that problem again.

Valve Says "No Refund" To Broken Software

So my attempt to download The Club from Steam has ended in miserable failure and to Steam support's suggestion that it is all Sega's fault, I just responded that I wanted a refund.

I get a one line response:

As with most software products, we will not offer refunds for purchases made online as outlined in the software license - please review Section 4 of the Steam Subscriber Agreement for more information.

Sure, I can see if I was bitching about framerates or complaining that the graphics suck or something ... I can kinda see their point. If I had played the game for a few hours and didn't like it ... I can see their point. They were selling a game, not a demo, and there's a certain amount of buyer responsibility there.

But Valve didn't sell me a game. They sold me an error box. I've never so much as seen a splash screen from this software. They have no clue how to fix it and Sega's support site is likewise blank. I spent $50 for an error box and for Steam to chew up some more of my hard drive.

What's more to the point is .... Valve should know all of this. For the love of all things, this is what Steam does. It gives Valve a gateway into the games I've purchased with them. They control whether I can play it or not. They log how much I play them. There is no technical reason they can't use this software to look at my account, realize I've never been able to keep the game running for more than a couple seconds, and remove my access from it.

But they won't - and here's why and why you should never buy anything from Steam. Steam is not designed to protect the consumer. It has one purpose in life and that is to protect Valve. Valve's response to you ... even if Steam throws a wrench, breaks down and keeps you from playing the games you have paid for ... will be sod off.

If I had bought the stupid game at Best Buy and ran into the same problem (which I bet I wouldn't - I'm willing to bet this is still a Steam problem) I'd be able to return it for store credit. I could get some candy or something instead of a bag of screw you which Valve is offering.

Now, Valve is perfectly capable of giving refunds and I've pointed that out to them. If they don't grant that by the end of today, I'll just call my credit card company and deny the charge this weekend.

I still get my $50. Steam will get removed from my hard drive and I'll likely never, ever buy another Valve product for any platform ever again. I don't care if Portal 2 or Half-Life 3 is the greatest game ever made, Valve's customer support is borderline criminal.

And I'll likely add a "Don't Buy From Valve (Or Steam)" block on the blog.

To clarify: Under Steam's Subscriber Agreement you are obligated to pay for the software before you actually receive it.

However, Valve is not contractually obligated to actually deliver that software to you. They could download a completely non-functional block of code to Steam's secret vault. It could be a text file encrypted to say "Ha Ha". You still have to pay and Valve does not (and apparently will not) refund your money. It is quite honestly the least consumer friendly piece of technology written in the modern age.

Use it at your own risk.

Updates: As soon as they referred me to their refund policy, I became persona non gratis to Valve. They continued to ignore the ticket even when I asked for it to be escalated, and even when I informed them I would take it up with my credit card and the BBB.

Both of which I've now done.

To date I have no verification that Valve ever delivered the software for which I paid.

Steam ... Validating ... some more .... again ...

I should have taken some new comments to the old old post about Steam constantly validating as a clue that the fun might not have been over.

Sure enough, after a long day of work I try to load up the new TF2 updates ... but I can't. Why? Because Steam is broken. Once again after updating the game, it doesn't know how to do anything but validate things. 100% validating, over and over again.

Hey, maybe I should contact Valve's customer support and see if I have any more luck than your average joe ... except wait - I'm still waiting a response from my first complaint. Oddly, I'm getting an image in my head and it looks a bit like Gabe Newell's middle finger.

Seriously, this game is the slender thread holding me to PC gaming anymore. And Valve is holding a knife to it every single time they patch a game. Brilliant, just brilliant.

Honestly, I'm a PC gamer at heart. Just someone tell the people responsible to stop sucking the fun out of even owning a PC in the first place.

Steam Support Is A Joke

Seriously, Valve should be embarrassed.

First, you don't get an automatic support account with your Steam account. Apparently they think Steam will work so fine you don't need one.

Secondly, they're wrong.

Thirdly, when you click "Contact Support" on the page "Contacting VALVe Billing And Support" - you see this:



You don't have to be a seasoned interface designer to realize that's a whole page of fuck up right there. Oh, and that "Contact VALVe Billing And Support" page has been rated a whopping 21%.

So basically when Steam devours your game whole because even after being uninstalled and reinstalled - the entire game is stuck at 100% validation and won't launch, the best Valve can muster to help you out is to have realize that you don't get a link to complain, or an email to complain to or any kind of thing to complain or try to demand a resolution.

Oh no - you get to ask a question.

Gee. Thanks Valve. So I asked my question:

Honestly, how can you be a company of Valve's stature and consider this to be an acceptable level of support for customers? Is this the basis for a whole new platform for which people are to buy and play games? When my game won't load because Steam updated it, broke it, and refuses to run it even after reinstalling it ... I have to register a new account and wander my way through some insanely horribly designed support pages in what was your apparent hope that I'll just blunder upon a solution myself and not cost you a dime?

Seriously? You just broke a game I paid perfectly good money for and the best response I get from Valve, ... oh, sorry VALVe, is to ask a question via some random form?

How about I go into your house, take something valued at $50 and then smash it? How about when you ask why I did that, I simply offer you a stack of forms and tell you to figure it all out and please, please, don't try to call me because honestly that would be quite the bother to me. Really, you should be thinking of me in that kind of situation, right?

So I'm asking you a question. How can Valve honestly have tech support this bad? And while you are considering that with all the muster you can, let me give you a follow up:

I am going to go uninstall Steam completely. Then I will reinstall it. If the game I paid for doesn't load up - do you think I'll ever install Steam again?

Would you? Maybe. Because maybe you know something I don't. But because your customer support is this shoddy - neither of us may never know.

Now, I should give their support one bit props. Because when I submitted that question, the second FAQ listed on their "Thank You For Bothering Us As Little As Possible" page was How Do I Uninstall Steam.

Wonder why that over comes up...

Steam Validating ... And validating ... and...

Oh right, that's why I don't like Steam. It downloaded the TF2 updates last night and now the validation on the file is stuck at 100%, even after exiting Steam and even after rebooting the computer.

So basically software I have bought and installed is trapped on my computer. There's no actual problem with it, no actual bug, but the software that wants to police that software has utterly freaked the hell out and I can't access it.

Quick forum searches indicate the only real solution is uninstall the local content and reinstall. Oh. Yay. I was hoping to check out the new features, now I'll have download software I already had and hope Steam decides not to be an idiot anymore.

Update - Valve has made it clear to me that they are in no way responsible for actually delivering software via Steam. Because of this, I'd recommend boycotting Valve.