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Monday, March 13, 2006

Jack Thompson Threatens Wikipedia

Not just Wikipedia, it seems ... but anyone who edited his page. Apparently Jack didn't like what was said about him at Wikipedia so he started to change it. Nobody can seem to find a transcript of his changes, but Cathode Tan scientists used prediction models to determine it probably said "I am the hand of God to smack down stooopid gamers!!!!" ... fifty times in a row. The Wikipedians didn't like that, so they started editing it back ... and Jack threatened to sue them all unless things went his way.

It's amazing, how everything BatJack turns into the logical equivalent of debating with a three year old. Currently the Wikipedians have taken the page down to sort everything out. Cathode Tan Labs predict it will go thusly: 1) Wikipedia does an extensive fact check 2) Wikipedia replaces Jack's page with one more or less like it was before and 3) Jack remembers he never actually wins a case that goes to trial ... takes ball home.

The wiki discussion on the whole thing is a hoot, though with gems like:

Why is someone deleting my update re: GTA lawsuit?"It is widely believed that the most refereshing activity on the planet is kicking Jack Thompson in the balls." Amusing... but no. Removed. --GarageBay9 09:13 July 26


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Michael Birk said...

Jack Thompson's edits to his Wikipedia page:

JACK THOMPSON RESPONDS: This is my favorite Internet site for fiction. Wikipedia's "experts" ("X" is an unknown quantity and "spurt" is a drip under pressure) on Jack Thompson even got the day and year of my birth wrong. What do you expect from pixelantes (I created the word--see Wikipedia for confirmation of that) to describe video game vigilantes. They're so confused, they think the term which refers to their abusive vigilantism is a term of endearment and honor. Mussolini would be impressed.

One of these knuckleheads threatened to torture and kill me from his home phone (ever hear of caller ID, junior?) because he was upset that I was saying on 60 Minutes and elsewhere that violent video games can affect attitudes and behaviors! He was arrested and jailed, in the Houston area. Don't you love the irony there, which of course no pixelante would get? "I'm not violent, and if you don't agree with me, I'll kill you!"

Anyway, what a lovely fiction site this is, where fictionalized accounts by biased people of a person they don't even know pass as facts. Bill Buckley once said that you can judge a person by his enemies. If that's true, then I must be one pretty cool dude. The lunatics who posted the stuff here need to put down their game controllers, step away from the platforms, and get some real lives that help others for a change, rather than just engaging in masturbatory (it's not always a sexual term)gaming. This generation is interested, by an large, only in itself and its fun. My generation protested and ended a war. This generation gets calluses on its gaming thumbs.

Finally, here are some things I have accomplished in my life, by the grace of God, despite the do-nothing critics:

* Graduate of Vanderbilt Law School, 1976
* Elder, Presbyterian Church in America

Trial attorney specializing in efforts against the marketing of adult entertainment to children whose successes have included:

* Secured first FCC decency fines, 1989
* Secured as amicus curae first verdict that a sound recording is obscene (2 Live Crew case) 1990
* Forced Time Warner, according to the Wall Street Journal, to pull rapper Ice-T's "Cop Killer" from store shelves worldwide, 1992
* Received ACLU's "Top Ten Censors of the Year Award" in 1992, a badge of honor coming from that organization
* Got the State of Florida to stop funding, with tax dollars, pornographic, adults-only movies at the Miami Film Festival, which funding violated state law
* Stopped the distribution of Link Line tapes in Florida public schools, because their promotion of sexual promiscuity violated state law
* Represented parents of three girls shot in Paducah, Kentucky, school shooting by a 14-year-old video gamer
* Predicted "Columbine" on national television a week before it happened on NBC’s Today
* Correctly predicted on national television that the DC Beltway Sniper triggerman would be "a teen trained on a sniper video game"
* Correctly predicted five months before he was caught that the Columbus, Ohio, Serial Highway Shooter would be a video game addict
* Got shock jock Howard Stern kicked off all Clear Channel radio stations and Clear Channel fined $495,000 for illegal, indecent broadcasts
* Only "officially certified sane" lawyer by The Florida Bar
* Filed landmark "video game murder" case in Alabama reported favorably by 60 Minutes and Reader's Digest
* Has appeared on 200 college campuses, 100 national television programs, hundreds of radio interviews, written numerous op-ed pieces in major American newspapers, all to advance the notion that the marketing and distribution of adult, violent, sexually-graphic material is harmful to kids and must be stopped
* Author of Tyndale House Out of Harm’s Way
* Ran and completed four 26.2 mile marathons (fighting with The Bar is by comparison a snap)
* Married to my wife, Patricia, of 30 years, with whom I am raising a 13-year-old boy

One more thing. I love this portion of Teddy Roosevelt's speech (for all you gamers, he was a Republican President around the turn of the century), about the "Man in the Arena." Those who simply scoff and accomplish nothing won't get it, but the rest of you do. Hooah!

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.

Thomas said...

You know, as a DC-area resident, I take exception to his Beltway Sniper "prediction."

The real culprit in that case was not video games. I don't even remember anyone seriously bringing up the video game angle. It was bad parenting--the kid's father took him out to shoot some people, if I remember correctly. They were crazed religious fanatics.

But hey: that's family values for ya.

Thomas said...

Now that I think about it, someone should really start a parody, and see if he'll go after Google.

Josh said...

Thanks, Mike, for hunting that down. Pure gold. Accurately predicted he would be a video game addict? Bah. Anyone who plays any game is an addict to BatJack.

In Jack's worlds, gamer's brains are all fried from playing games all day and certainly can't remember when he got kicked off the Devin Moore case or how his Columbine statements are continually false.

Oh wait, guess we can.

My favorite though:

Only "officially certified sane" lawyer by The Florida Bar

Wait. That can really only mean two things:

1) Jack was certified insane and then later certified sane.

2) Jack's behavior was so insane that the Florida Bar felt it necessary to hire a shrink to see if he was certifiable.

And Jack, being so confused, takes it as a good thing.

Josh said...

Just found it. Apparently during his 2 Live Crew Crusade, the Florida Supreme Court ordered him to undergo a psych evaluation fearing he had a disabling obsession with pornography.

Which is a shame, because if they had just looked for a paranoid schizophrenic ... they might have found one.

Thomas said...

Oh, that's funny. I remember reading about the 2 Live Crew episode in a rock crit collection a while back, but it didn't mention that Jack was the lawyer.

He's got a real history of being an asshole, doesn't he? Any day now we're going to find out that he shot JFK.

Josh said...

If he did, he'd probably blame pinball machines or those airgun carnie stands for making him do it.