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Monday, December 12, 2005

Happy Holidays

As the Christmas season gets into full swing, I'll probably not be around much. Shopping, parties, hangovers, etc. Apparently I've missed the window to get things safely shipped from online for some things ... like the things I really need to get. Which kinda sucks, but living in Chicago I'm provided with a large number of alternate means of commerce.

Speaking of, the web site which pays my bills has gotten an inordinate number of thank you notes about the fact that we actually mention "Christmas". Apparently there is a War On Christmas going on, and I wasn't even invited. I guess this War is going on despite the fact that I know nobody who is actually fighting it. I've never met a single person in all my years who actually hated Christmas enough to declare hostile actions, but according to Bill O'Rielly ... there's enough people to constitute warfare.

I don't think it takes a college degree to see this for the cultural McCarthyism that it truly is. If you don't have a "Christmas" sign in neon light that clearly means you hate Christmas and are probably some commie pinko hippie who, by de facto rules, hates America. Happy Holidays might as well be Mein Fuhrer. The fact that one is simply trying to be all-inclusive in terms of a) there are people in this world that don't celebrate Christmas, and one still wishes them well and b) the holidays have been extended from Thanksgiving and last until Valentine's Day and therefore encompass far more than a single day is beyond these pinheads.

So to them ... I have a simple solution. The conversation goes something like this.

Me: Happy Holidays.
Pinhead: Happy What? Why do you hate Christmas?
Me: I never said I did.
Pinhead: But you're afraid to say Christmas. That means you hate it.
Me: You didn't say you loved Christ.
Pinhead: What?
Me: That's right, I heard it. You hate Christ.
Pinhead: But...
Me (pointing and screaming frantically): CHRIST HATER!

And so on. See if they'll try that in public again.

Later, just to show what an evil Scrooge McDuck who kicks kids I am ... I'll hunt down some links to help people donate to Pakistanis. Take that, Fox News.

Till then, Merry Christmas to you and yours.




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1 comment:

Patrick Dugan said...

Insulating cultural memes wrap up the willfully ignorant and keep them warm through the winter.